Self Improvement
I've decided to do some self-improvement. Take stock of my life. I know I can come off as defensive, a bit abrasive, and I tend to fuss yell a lot. I am also someone who hasn't done my favorite hobbies or had self-care in a very long time. I used to draw, paint, go to arcades, go to the movies, go to the spa, get my hair and nails done regularly, and worked out. What the fuck has happened to me? I've been extremely stressed about this house, the kids, school, and the past year in general. I just haven't had the time to stop and take a deep breath about anything. I haven't even had time to enjoy or appreciate this house that I have a mortgage on. The only thing I have done is bless the ancestors for this home.
I found myself with two kids, no husband, and no dual income stream. I have relied on my mom entirely too much, and I miss my father and my grandfather so much it hurts. I know I have to start learning to depend more on myself as if I were going through life alone. I know I have to work on that.
I have become really resourceful over the years. Ensuring the girls have access to food, clothing, a good education, and daycare. I made a promise to them that I would always ensure they have stability in their lives. I aim to keep that promise. I love them with every fiber of my being. I have big plans for us in the future. I want to travel the world with them. I would like to purchase a summer house in Japan. I want to travel to Italy, Ireland, Canada, the United Kingdom, Egypt, New Zealand, Greenland, and Spain. I want to take a few cruises with them. I want to enjoy every moment with them.
I decided to go back to school instead of settling for a job at the Post Office because I want to earn enough money to support my children and my mom outright without needing help. I want to be able to pay all the bills unassisted. I know I need to make some mental and emotional adjustments to create the life I want. I am pursuing a degree in International Business and Marketing so that I can earn a good income and travel. I am making progress in public speaking, also, which is something I thought I would never overcome. If I can just overcome my other setbacks, I will be ok. I found that journaling helps.
More to come...
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